Tuesday, November 25, 2014

my life: a summary

I don't know why or how or what, but my left shoulder is completely messed up.

I can't breathe without it hurting.

Since we have a long car trip ahead for Thanksgiving, I called the chiropractor yesterday and they worked me in so that we could try for some relief before I left.

After, I asked the chiropractor what I could do to help.
He laughed.
He looked right at me and laughed.

"Why are you laughing?" I asked.
"Nothing will help." He responded, still laughing. "The only thing that will help it is rest. And I am looking at your son in his car seat and I know the minute I am done you are going to hoist it up and then spend the rest of your day picking him up. You can't rest it. So you will have to deal with the pain. Do your best." He then carried Joe and his car seat out to the car for me.

I fought back tears this morning lifting Joe into his high chair. Picking him up to change his diaper. Cradling him as he drank his bottle. Unloading the dishwasher. Shaking his bottle. Picking up the laundry basket. {then i took 4 advil and 2 muscle relaxers and gave up toughing it out}

When I think about all the things in our life right now, I look at a lot of them and I think, "Nothing can be done."

We are just going to have to let things hurt and wait for them to heal. And we are going to have to live life and let those wounds be poked and opened as we go, and hurt again, and heal again.

This is my life in a summary: every day we have to find a way to balance the impossible with our reality and not to be overwhelmed with pain.

Today I am thankful for advil and muscle relaxers and my kind chiropractor who squeezed me in before I left town. Today I am thankful for the Balm that coats my heart and soul, giving me more grace than I deserve, and more hope than I can muster on my own.

We have this as a sure and steadfast anchor of the soul, a hope that enters into the inner place...
Hebrews 6:10

Friday, November 7, 2014

and then God threw me a bone

I realize there is no actual theological basis for saying, "God threw me a bone".

Seriously. It's been a rough couple years at the Brack house between my nightmare pregnancy and everything that's happened this year, and I'm not seeing any metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel.

But one of my very best friends in the whole wide world whom I have known since I was 7 is moving {back}to the Indy area (and she would appreciate my use of "whom" there).

She both knows me better than 99.9% of the population, loves me the way I am, and absolutely refuses not to hold me accountable. And she's fun and we both love coffee and wine (nothing could wrong there). Friends like this aren't a dime a dozen.

She laughed at how excited I was, and all I could say is, "No really, my life has been that depressing". I mean that in a very retrospective, narrative way. I am not depressed but things have been kind of depressing around here and good news is a sweet rarity.

The icing on my bone cake? She's going to work semi-full time and be home with her son when she is not working. WE CAN HANG OUT. At this point, a once a month playdate would sort of change my life.

We can now make our babies be best friends. J & S, you are welcome. (even though her baby is older than mine, we'll figure it out)

And I am in sorry in advance to anyone who may be involved in the possible craziness that may ensue. Mostly our husbands.