Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Today we have Thomas

Thomas is known for doubting. This morning, I feel for Thomas. No one is recording these actions in the Bible, no one will discuss (for centuries) my actions and their implications.

When presented with the news that Jesus would be leaving them, Thomas asked, "Lord, if you go, how will we know the way?"

Thomas' issue was Jesus leaving them. Obviously, that's not my issue today, but I have a different circumstance that I am looking at and saying, "Lord, how are we going to do this?"

Lord, how do I have faith in this situation?

I have already cried, prayed, slept and read the Bible.

James MacDonald says Faith is believing the Word of God and acting upon it no matter how I feel because God promises a good result.

Today, I believe this with all my heart. And today, when I don't, I will go to Jesus, like Thomas did, and I will say, "Lord, how will I know I the way?"

Even as my heart is breaking and my eyes are filing with tears, I will refuse to believe that God is not good or strong or in control. I refuse to believe that we are abandoned.

I don't know the way. I don't know how. I have one choice - to keep holding on to this faith, a belief in something I do not see, I cannot explain.

One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you, O God, are strong, and that you, O Lord, are loving. Surely you will reward each person according to what he has done. Psalm 62:11-12

Monday, November 5, 2012

Final thoughts on PRK

I had my surgery on a Friday afternoon at 3PM. When I woke up the next Monday morning, I felt like a different person. My eyes no longer felt like "something" was irritating them. They were dry buy manageable. They were tired but I could see. Light wasn't painful.

The worst thing that Monday morning? THOSE BANDAGE CONTACTS. So gross and dry. The steroid drops you use with PRK are cloudy and gross and make the contacts equally cloudy and gross. You are not allowed to remove or touch the contacts, so... lots of artificial tears.

On Monday, I was able to go shopping with my mom, function around the house, and start making goodies for a family from church thad just had a baby.

I am glad I didn't choose to go back to work that Monday or Tuesday. my eyes just needed... down time. Non-computer-screen time. I felt fine, but my body wanted rest.

This is going into my 3rd week of recovery. My night vision still isn't quite perfect. I need the light to see details and focus-out blurs, making driving difficult when it's dark. Car lights also tend to be starburts or halos, making it hard to tell how far away something is or which direction it's traveling. So far, I've been able to manage to really avoid driving after dark. A huge thanks to my sweet friends and family who offer to help me run errands and pick me up and take me home for evening activities. It's not easy for me to admit I need help, so the offers make it simpler. When I wake up in the morning and it's dark, my eyes do pretty well because they just came from a long period of rest.

The details of my vision aren't perfect yet, either. I struggle with print on the computer screen (harder than paper for some reason) and have to take print materials back and forth until they focus. I can see far away, just the details aren't precision clear yet. So sorry if I stare at you blankly -- I'm probably just trying to focus my vision!!! If I squint just a little at something blurry, I can usually get it to focus at my "contact lens" level of clarity.

This is all very normal from what I understand. I am told that 99% of these issues resolve in weeks 4-6 of recovery. PRK just has a more complicated healing process. I'm thrilled with the vision I have achieved thus far. I still go to "take out my contacts" at night because I'm used to thinking that if I can see, I'm not ready for bed. I still have to do steroid drops every 4 hours for a few more weeks. They have to stay chilled, so this is complicated. I'm also supposed to be using artificial tears ALL THE TIME. This is easy to forget when I get busy, but I'm working on it.

Would I recommend PRK, with it's complicated recovery and pain? YES. Really, 24-48 hours of suffering for years of corrected vision is not a bad trade in my book. I made it though with no crazy drugs and was back at work less than week later. I'm also excited to know that PRK is more stable and long-lasting than LASIK, making the recovery worth it.

Now we will pray that if we decide to ever have a baby, my vision doesn't really change with pregnancy. Like I said, I'd recommend PRK, but that doesn't mean I want to do it again any time soon.

Questions about corrective laser eye surgery? JUST ASK!

Friday, November 2, 2012

Life with Boys

I'll finish telling you about PRK soon, promise.

Today, though, let's talk about my life. My life with boys*.
*When I say boys instead of men, I mean no disrespect. It's not a matter of age or maturity. I say girls instead of "women" all the time. It means nothing.
As you may know, we have a friend and his 2 year old son living with us. It's cool, it's not a thing, and that's all I'm saying. 

With this, I have become out-numbered 4:1 by the men. Because even my dog is a boy.

A few ways my life has changed.... 

The house is always messy. Not horribly so, but there's always... something odd that needs to be cleaned up. I'm slowly accepting this fact and trying my hardest to realize it's not a big deal.

I am frequently called emotional or catty. This isn't mean -- it's fact. But other girls aren't like, "What is wrong with you today?" or "Chrissy, you are being mean. You are overreacting". We don't do it because we've all been there, too. In many ways, this awareness has challenged me to be a more loving person.

There is always something disgusting happening. This could be true just with the 2 year old (I'm sorry, children are great but gross). It could probably be true just with my husband and our friend.

You do not want to show up to my door unexpected. Our friend is fairly protective of me, my husband {legally} owns a gun, and if they didn't scare you... there's a 2 year old. I also do not recommend wronging me, as these are the people who will put you in your place.

I get spoiled more. In some way, I think the boys kind of always see that I'm living in boy-land. Restaurant choices defer to me, small gifts appear, types of groceries of my favorites, etc.

The girliest show I ever get to watch are The Daily Show or The Colbert Report. If it's just me and the 2 year old, I can some times get away with House Hunters. Some times.

There is always someone who need to be fed. I'm usually the only person who knows exactly what we have and where it is, so even the self-sufficient usually need my help.

I spend more time with amazing girls! There is solidarity in our relationships My sister gives me "mom-advice" and walks me through the 2 year old stage. She also is my greatest friend. My niece has become a little relief from all things boys -- the way her hair curls, her girly giggle, her insistence on wearing pearls all the time. I joined the women's Bible study at church this fall and have found the best support, love, and accountability I could ask for in friends. My time with my girlfriends is very precious to me now, and I make more of an effort to get that time.

I pray everyday that if we have children, I get one girl. I love my boys. I wouldn't trade them. I've always thought we were going to be people who had boys, and that never bothered me {clearly, I was right}. I never thought too much about adding girls to the equation. Now, I really, really hope I get one. I don't have any other thoughts as far as the number or ratio or anything... If this doesn't happen, I guess my niece will just get spoiled rotten.