Monday, June 30, 2014

kick them in the shins

I can't even process losing my father-in-law.

I don't know if I have ever loved someone quite the way I loved him.

But to honor him, I will say this...

My mother-in-law's reverend came over yesterday to help us plan the service.

"People will say, 'It gets easier with time.' Just kick them in the shins. It doesn't get easier. It gets easier for them, maybe."

I keep coming back to this and it keeps making me laugh. And my father-in-law would be happy to know that we are still finding ways to laugh.

Thursday, June 12, 2014

finding our joy.

I am not someone who would describe myself as someone that does well on little sleep. I would tell you that it's a struggle for me to have a good day on 7 hours.

Oh how things have changed.

I meant to write a post on my first mother's day, but honestly, I was so overtired and wracked with post partum depression and anxiety that I could barely function. After an intervention from my husband and the help of countless family and friends, a check in with my ob, we've turned a corner.

What did I not expect in motherhood? The sleep deprivation. The constant second guessing, the constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong or should be doing more.

We are reading "Be Mature", a study of James, in our small group. It's all about embracing the trials, knowing that God is shaping you. I did not expect for my faith to be stretched so much. But it brings so much joy.

I can't do more. I don't know what I'm doing. But this is a calling. I have to trust that God is who he says he is - good and faithful. I have to trust that he is provider and can sustain me because I cannot.

That faith brings so much joy. Because its not dependent on me, or Joe, or sleep.

I knew I would love my son, but I could never imagine this joy.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

what's working: may

-We found the golden goose of parenthood: the perfect babysitter. You want to know what's working for us? THAT. She adores Joe. Her parents drive her one way. She is polite and perfect. I basically want her to move in. Bonus? Her sister cuts our lawn and loves our dog.

-Accepting help. This is hard for me, super type A, super I always have it together. But it's a necessary reality in my life that I need weekly, some time daily help

-Daddy time. Robert coming home at a decent hour and spending time with Joe. Robert taking Joe when he wakes before 7am (he's getting ready for work anyway). Robert taking Joe on errands on the weekend. I have mad respect for single parents. I don't know how they do it.

-Formula. I know. Super controversial. But we now do what's called "combo feeding" (where you both breastfeed, pump, and give formula) and it's saved my mind and kept us breastfeeding when I was ready to give up. Plus, Joe has gained more weight, sleeps better, and is a much happier baby. It's not for everyone, but it's for us. There is no shame in a healthy baby and sane momma.

-She Reads Truth. These devotionals have been really challenging and beautiful. It's hard to think I struggle to read the few paragraphs and chapters of Scripture, but it's always good when I do.

-Re-watching 30 Rock while nursing. There's only so much HGTV and Real Housewives I can take. Tina Fey is a genius.

what's working: april

-Cartwheel Target App
Do you live at Target? We do. This app has special offers & coupons. PLUS you can scan stuff in-store and see if there are deals.

-Reading on the Kindle
I finally started using the gift R gave me for Christmas. I love it! It's way easier to manage than a paper book when I'm nursing or pumping and it makes the time go fast. What am I reading? Jen Hatmaker's Step Out of the Spin Cycle and I am Livia

-Facebook garage sale groups
I buy everything for Joe on these. Baby stuff, clothes, etc. all for dirt cheap and it's barely used.

-car seat swaddle
What did I buy that was super useful on these sites? SWADDLES. Joe loves to be swaddled and he is getting too long for his newborn ones. I found some bigger ones for $2/each and they can be used in a car seat!! BONUS. They are very thin and keep him warm (I know you all are like "PUTTING STUFF IN THE CARSEAT ISN'T SAFE. I assure you this is thinner than a sweatshirt would be for him). They help him stay calm because he can't scratch himself when he gets cranky.

-White noise
I'm working on getting Joe to sleep faster and better, especially for naps. The white noise app on my phone is like an "off" switch. I hit it, he stops crying and his eyes stop drooping. IT'S AMAZING. I don't even have to leave it on... I slowly turn it down and Joe stays asleep. In the car when he gets cranky we roll down the window. Because we are awesome parents.

-Getting dressed
Getting Joe dressed everyday has really helped me and I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the cute baby outfits. But we have moved away from sleepers 24-7 and into clothes. What am I wearing? Besides yoga pants and nursing tanks... not much. I did just buy an awesome pair of jeans at Target (see above) that are way comfy and forgiving post partum and cost $30. Thank you Denizen by Levi for $30 skinny jeans.

-Seeing my husband
In case you didn't know, Robert changed jobs in January, right before Joe was born. And by changed jobs I mean started a new company with his dad & a business partner. This has made for a ton of work for him. Then Joe was born, making a ton of work for me. I feel like the last couple of weeks we've actually managed to cross paths a bit more. It's nice to feel like I am still married underneath all this craziness that is our current season of life.

-No vomit April
My big goal for April was not to vomit. I caught a stomach bug at the end of March, which combined with my pregnancy meant that I had thrown up every month since last June. What a sweet relief not to scrub projectile vomit off our bathroom for the first time in ages.