Dull Moments

I can't even process losing my father-in-law. I don't know if I have ever loved someone quite the way I loved him. But to honor him, I will say this... My mother-in-law's reverend came over yesterday to help us plan the service. "People will say, 'It gets easier with time.' Just kick them in the shins. It doesn't get easier. It gets easier for them, maybe." I keep coming back to this and it keeps making me laugh. And my father-in-law would be happy to know that we are still finding ways to laugh.

I am not someone who would describe myself as someone that does well on little sleep. I would tell you that it's a struggle for me to have a good day on 7 hours. Oh how things have changed. I meant to write a post on my first mother's day, but honestly, I was so overtired and wracked with post partum depression and anxiety that I could barely function. After an intervention from my husband and the help of countless family and friends, a check in with my ob, we've turned a corner. What did I not expect in motherhood? The sleep deprivation. The constant second guessing, the constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong or should be doing more. We are reading "Be Mature", a study of James, in our small group. It's all about embracing the trials, knowing that God is shaping you. I did not expect for my faith to be stretched so much. But it brings so much joy. I can't do more. I don't know what I'm doing. But this is a calling. I have

-We found the golden goose of parenthood: the perfect babysitter. You want to know what's working for us? THAT. She adores Joe. Her parents drive her one way. She is polite and perfect. I basically want her to move in. Bonus? Her sister cuts our lawn and loves our dog. -Accepting help. This is hard for me, super type A, super I always have it together. But it's a necessary reality in my life that I need weekly, some time daily help -Daddy time. Robert coming home at a decent hour and spending time with Joe. Robert taking Joe when he wakes before 7am (he's getting ready for work anyway). Robert taking Joe on errands on the weekend. I have mad respect for single parents. I don't know how they do it. -Formula. I know. Super controversial. But we now do what's called "combo feeding" (where you both breastfeed, pump, and give formula) and it's saved my mind and kept us breastfeeding when I was ready to give up. Plus, Joe has gained more weight, sleeps

-Cartwheel Target App Do you live at Target? We do. This app has special offers & coupons. PLUS you can scan stuff in-store and see if there are deals. -Reading on the Kindle I finally started using the gift R gave me for Christmas. I love it! It's way easier to manage than a paper book when I'm nursing or pumping and it makes the time go fast. What am I reading? Jen Hatmaker's Step Out of the Spin Cycle and I am Livia -Facebook garage sale groups I buy everything for Joe on these. Baby stuff, clothes, etc. all for dirt cheap and it's barely used. -car seat swaddle What did I buy that was super useful on these sites? SWADDLES. Joe loves to be swaddled and he is getting too long for his newborn ones. I found some bigger ones for $2/each and they can be used in a car seat!! BONUS. They are very thin and keep him warm (I know you all are like "PUTTING STUFF IN THE CARSEAT ISN'T SAFE. I assure you this is thinner than a sweatshirt would be for him). T