Dull Moments

I don't know why or how or what, but my left shoulder is completely messed up. I can't breathe without it hurting. Since we have a long car trip ahead for Thanksgiving, I called the chiropractor yesterday and they worked me in so that we could try for some relief before I left. After, I asked the chiropractor what I could do to help. He laughed. He looked right at me and laughed . "Why are you laughing?" I asked. "Nothing will help." He responded, still laughing. "The only thing that will help it is rest. And I am looking at your son in his car seat and I know the minute I am done you are going to hoist it up and then spend the rest of your day picking him up. You can't rest it. So you will have to deal with the pain. Do your best." He then carried Joe and his car seat out to the car for me. I fought back tears this morning lifting Joe into his high chair. Picking him up to change his diaper. Cradling him as he drank his bottle. Un...

I realize there is no actual theological basis for saying, "God threw me a bone". Seriously. It's been a rough couple years at the Brack house between my nightmare pregnancy and everything that's happened this year, and I'm not seeing any metaphorical light at the end of the tunnel. But one of my very best friends in the whole wide world whom I have known since I was 7   is moving {back}to the Indy area (and she would appreciate my use of "whom" there). She both knows me better than 99.9% of the population, loves me the way I am, and absolutely refuses not to hold me accountable. And she's fun and we both love coffee and wine ( nothing could wrong there). Friends like this aren't a dime a dozen. She laughed at how excited I was, and all I could say is, "No really, my life has been that depressing". I mean that in a very retrospective, narrative way. I am not depressed  but things have been kind of depressing around here and good ...

5 years ago today, robert asked me to marry him. we already had a wedding date (nice, right?) but in that moment, we forever sealed our lives together. i may have said "no" because i was getting off a flight and really hungry and feeling lightheaded, but i still married him, and i think that's what counts. 5 years later, we are still saying yes. or no. either way, we are embracing life together. the pain, the challenges, the joy, the heart bursting moments. there's no one else i would rather say no to for the rest of my life.

"The history of Israel revolves around the double foci of exodus and exile. At the exodus, Israel began the process toward becoming a nation. The exile, however, signaled the loss of Israel's status as an independent nation, and even after the exile Israel was merely a political backwater in the Persian province of Yehud." - M. Throntveit I value my independence. It's not a secret around here that I think I am in charge. I have my house clean. I dress the way I want to, and before I had a baby, I was the size I wanted to be. I have lists of things to do, the order to do them, and when they are done, I want them to impress you. It's gone. All of it. I was never more lost then I was those first few months after Joe was born. Overwhelmed, confused, with no answers or sleep... I needed things. I needed meals at my house. I needed help watching him, feeding him, so I could rest. I just needed help. I have a closet full of beautiful, perfect clothes... and it do...

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the  Lord , plans for welfare and not for evil,  to give you a future and a hope." Whew . Doesn't that feel great to read? Welfare? Hope? A future? Sign me up! Good old Jeremiah 29:11! I have heard this verse quoted so many times. I have seen it on cross stitches and graduation cards. It's so great, let's just keep reading! "Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me,  and I will hear you.     You will seek me and find me, when you seek me  with all your heart.     I will be found by you, declares the  Lord ,  and I will restore your fortunes" Yes! God will hear our prayers? He can be found by us? Did you say  fortune? Sounds so good! Let's keep reading! "...and  gather you from all the nations and all the places  where I have driven you, declares the  Lord , and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile." If you didn't have...

Baby boy. We will have so many stories to tell you about your first year of life. I will tell you about how it was just you and me. Family had a boatload of life dumped on them. Daddy had so much crazy work to do. And it was you and me. We went everywhere together. Everyone loved you when I brought you into Daddy's work, or dragged you to the grocery store, or unloaded you at church. Baby boy, you were held through so many tears. You had a "funeral outfit". You went to 2 funerals while you were only months old in my womb - I wore the same thing to both, because you don't have a lot of funeral outfits while pregnant. You went to 2 funerals within your first 8 months of life -you also wore the same outfit. When I held you over a grave site yet again, I held you tighter. I don't want to think about how many times you've heard me sing the alto lines to "Amazing Grace". You've heard me sing it next to Grandma Karen, next to your Uncle Rob, next ...

A friend and I recently were talking about how everyone's parenting looks so perfect from the outside. This can make you feel pretty inadequate as a mom pretty fast. The truth is, having a small child or children is really all about survival. I recently posted a picture on Facebook of my homemade baby food. Yes, I make 90% of Joe's food. Hopefully this covers for those cheesy puffs This could lead you to believe that Joe eats a perfectly healthy and organic diet. Some times that's true. And some times, I let him self feed baby cheetos because it's the only food he will self feed. Speaking of which, how are babies born knowing how to eat baby cheetos? A mystery for sure. Additionally, I often let Joe watch music videos when I feed him. While I feel guilty about the screen time, it makes the job about 100x easier. Joe is on the move and super squirmy. I've had veteran daycare workers ask me how I change his diaper. So being confined in a highchair often res...