Next week!

Next week I start my new job at Wishard.


I am getting excited. But I am mostly getting nervous. I feel woefully unprepared to start a new chapter, probably because I didn't seek out this particular change. 

This job is a lot of things I've always wanted.  I'll be doing something I love, I'll be using a part of my degree (unheard of, right?), I'll be working in healthcare, I'll be serving the under-served.  It's so many things I have worked so hard to do.  And I don't want to mess it up. I don't want to suck.  I didn't realize that getting what you wanted could be so intimidating. 

Our pastor preached on having faith in God like a child on Sunday. He gave the example of how his children will blindly jump off the stairs into his arms, trusting that each and every time they will be caught. This made me feel a little better.

On Saturday, I took Nephew to the airport to meet his parents, who just came back from a 2 week missions trip to China.  All day long, he giggled with me when I would ask, "Who are we getting at the airport? Santa? Big bird?" he would laugh and shout, "NO! Mommy & Daddy!!!".  We were both pretty pumped.  When we got the airport, he happily played with another little boy from his church who was also waiting for his mommy.  When his mommy came down first, Nephew took my hand and started to look a little nervous and impatient.

Then, he saw them.

Then, he ran and hid underneath a sign in the airport. 

He was still glad they were home.  He was still excited.  He was just... overwhelmed.  There were a ton of people around.  There was a lot of emotion.  My sister had to go and pull him out from under the sign and pick him up for a hug. He buried his face in his hands. 

When she put him down, he resorted to hiding behind me, while not letting go of my hand. When my arm gave out from being held behind me, he had me hold him until it was time to go.

Some times, I think this is more how I feel about getting what I want.  Of course, I'm overjoyed.  Of course, I'm incredibly grateful.  It's still overwhelming.  It's intimidating. And though I am trying to hide under some form of an airport sign, I'm reminded that God won't leave me there.  His intention is to use my life, and I'm not going to do that where I am safe from discomfort and change.

So, here is to facing what's next with faith. I am so grateful I don't have to do it on anything more than faith.


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