Some times I'm a whiner
No, for real.
I’m whiney. A lot.
We are doing the study, “Lord Change My Attitude” for women’s Bible study this fall, and the whiner in me would like to whine about how hard it is not to whine.
This week, my adorable/wonderful/awesome friend, Bridget, Facebook announced her pregnancy. I love her and Ian so much, and I’m so happy for them… and then I felt it: the small twinge of jealousy - jealousy for the excitement, for a defined stage in life, for a little baby, for knowing you should have a baby, for all of it. Granted it was a small twinge, but it was there, and it was wrong.
I woke up this morning, early for a meeting at the clinic (a meeting at which I found out that one of my patients, who was weird but perfectly nice to me, had threatened to bomb our clinic and shoot anyone who survives – you know, normal meeting stuff). I was making coffee when Rick rushed down, running late. He called for a sleepy, not-really-awake 2 year old Emm to follow him. Drinking his sippy cup, looking like he wanted to pass out, Emm walked up to me with his arms up so I would pick him up. “Rissy…” he called happily as I picked him up while Rick got their stuff ready.
In that moment, with Emm trying really hard to say my name correctly, with his contentedness in my arms, with the little happiness that can only come from snuggling with a 2 year old while making coffee at 6:45am, I realized that I am not really worthy of what God has given me. Here I am, in a beautiful home, with a wonderful & loving husband, with coffee, with a friend, with a sweet little boy, about to go to a job that I love and all I could think of yesterday was, “Lord, why is my life not like ____?”
My life is not ____ because God did not give me that life. God may never give me that life.
He gave me this one.
Regardless of what I do or do not receive in this one, I have more than I could ever need. MacDonald says in the study that even if God did nothing else for us for the rest of our lives, we’d still have received enough blessings to fill the rest of our days with songs of thanksgiving.
I’m hoping today that I will be singing more thanksgiving… and less whining.