our advent

Unwrapping the Christmas ornaments for our Christmas tree, I kept thinking, "Didn't I just do this?"

If pregnancy was an eternity, the months of having a baby have been in fast forward.

Life thinks it's smarter than me by racing faster than I can keep up with, but  I am on to it.

I am on to how fast the first months of our son's life have gone.

I am on to how fast his first Christmas is approaching.

I am on to the fact that my little baby is slipping into toddler hood day-by-day.

I am on to it.

In a world full of fast and now, I remind myself to stop.

In a season normally packed full of events and cheer and business, I take deep breaths and remind myself that my hope and joy aren't quite yet fulfilled.

In a time in life when part of us honestly can't wait to get the first set of holidays without a loved one behind us, I am trying to find a way to enjoy them, too.

When I put Joe down for a nap today, he turned into me as he fell asleep. I sat with him instead of plopping him in the crib to run off to do my one million things that I do during nap. I held him and gazed at his sweet, sleeping baby face and loved it. I remembered the days where that was the only way he would sleep, a precious, needy newborn in my arms. I took in that moment today, forever remembering it for what it is. I prayed for his future, that he would find his Savior. I reminded myself this time is precious and few, but there is so much more that God will do in our lives.

Our past is both beautiful, broken, meaningful, and gone.

Our present is full and rich if we invest in it.

Our future isn't empty.

This is our advent. Here. Now. Stop. Go. Enjoy. Cry. Breathe. Focus. Pray. Hope.