Dull Moments

While it's no secret that (one day, when they cure severe morning sickness) we would like more children, I am sorta loving the just having one stage. I can do things like take my one year old to the beach. Friends, keeping up with a crazy toddler at the beach is no joke , and if I had a baby or another kid under the age of, like, 6, it would not be happening. So I took Joe to our small, dinky, very-Indiana beach. What it lacks in views (seriously, you are looking at a highway, townhouse construction, and a hospital... so I guess it may not be that hard to pretend it's California), it makes up for in accessibility and in our son's joy of being there. Joe loves the water (he always has). Joe did a Baywatch reenactment the first time we took him to the beach. Full force, unbridled, he ran straight to the shore and dove face-first into the water. He giggles and giggles as he splashes. He digs and digs in the "sand". He runs around. The sun makes his hair more...

A year ago today we lost my father-in-law. Shock doesn't even describe the feeling I got when I got that phone call. Today we will celebrate. We will celebrate his love, his life. We will probably fight back (or not fight back) tears. We will smile when we see Don's face in little Joe's eyes and expressions. Today, we will give thanks for the gift of having Don in our lives, and for the promise of eternal life through Jesus. There's a really great blog post being shared on Facebook about what to do when someone in your life is grieving. It's good - read it, do it. My advice on what to do when someone in your life experiences tragedy? Show up. You don't have to know the right words (and, as that blog points out, saying the wrong thing or admitting you don't know what to say is better than not saying anything). You don't have to know what to do. Just show up.  That night, a year ago today, my mom quickly rearranged everything (she was watching my s...

i hate lasts. last night in our house. i brought my first baby home to this house. so many things have happened to us here. change is never easy, friends. when i feel that knot in my stomach rise up and catch myself holding my breath, i force my abdomen to relax. "breathe", i remind myself. the shutting of the door is hard, the few steps forward to the new one is always the hardest part. usually, once we're there, it's ok. we just have to take those steps. i spoke last year at our women's retreat. the past isn't bad, i recounted to my fellow sisters, but if we hold onto it and wrap our hands around it until our knuckles turn white, it becomes an idol. if we don't let go, it will get in the way of our worship. God only calls us forward. while i don't have all the pieces to the big picture of what's next for us, i know this is my next step. i can slip this piece into that puzzle confidently. even though there's still that knot in ...

Frankie, our blankie friend At age 1, Joe is fun and full of life. And if there is anything Joe loves as much as life itself, it's Frankie. Frankie the Blankie. Frankie is a lovey that we were given, along with half a dozen other little blankies & toys. But Joe picked Frankie out of the masses and has chosen him as his companion. He learned to say, "Dadda", then "Momma", then, "Frankie!". Frankie is a trooper. On any given day, Frankie gets bitten, thrown, covered in grossness, and put in any number of precarious positions. Like shoved in a drawer.    or tucked into the Batmobile . Or taken along for a couch climb.  Where there is Joe, Frankie is usually along side, game for action. Frankie is also practical, a helpful friend for tasks like finding lost toys under the couch.  And at every nap and bedtime, Frankie is safely tucked close, keeping Joe company through the night, getting rest to prepare for the next d...

I was reading the book of Esther. Because I was so. tired. of everything feeling so hard . What was the call we received? Why isn't our follow through working? Why is our life like this? Are we living accidentally or intentionally? What if it is accidentally and we can't change it? I was casually talking to a licensed therapist today about our life - she was at a Q&A session at MOPs - and she asked if I wanted to schedule a session. That really made me feel great about our life. When I read Esther's story, I feel like a lot of things that happened to her weren't exactly easy. Orphaned. Virginity given to the King because he's mad at his wife. King happens to be of skeptical character. People are trying to kill her one remaining family member. She doesn't know what to do. She's of a race that someone is out to destroy. She has to keep who she is a secret. She has to risk her life multiple times to try to save herself. Oh, and her entire na...

Tonight, we did our bedtime routine, and then something remarkable happened. Joe cried when I set him in his crib. I cannot remember the last time he did that (except for in illness). And since Joe does not snuggle or generally cry to be held, when I shut his bedroom door and heard him cry, "Mooooommmmmyyyy", I went back in and held him. I sat in the rocking chair that we have sat in hundreds of times in the past year, and I let him snuggle into me and settle into sleep. Tomorrow, Joe will wake up a 1 year old. And I won't have a baby anymore. I will be the mother of a one year old . So it seemed fitting that we would close out our year with this gesture, with this moment, with this gentle reminder that we are on the eve of the next stage. I don't normally lean nostalgic, but this has hit me hard. I held Joe tonight and thanked God for his life, I prayed for his future, I prayed for wisdom as a parent, and for the millionth time in the past year, my heart ...

California, by Edan Lepucki A friend gave me this novel to read. It's decently written and a fast read. I hated, HATED the ending. The whole book was really up & down. I would either be bored and racing through to something interesting, or I would be wrapped up and holding my breath,. As much as I hated the ending, I do think it asks the question about how brave we really are, and how quickly we would give ourselves a life of ease even if it meant compromising our values. Divergent, by Veronica Roth I am so late to this party. Don't judge. I'm not even going to write about this, since everyone is way ahead of me here. Big Little Lies, Liane Moriarty I really liked this book. It's ultimately a book about domestic violence without being a domestic violence story. And it surprised me. I can't believe I didn't piece together all the clues... I'm usually always not-surprised in books. But this was a good one. The Fault in Our Stars, John Green Anoth...