Waiting.

I don't think I'm the most patient person. I never have been one for waiting around. People keep telling me not to wish pregnancy to go by fast, because I'll be wishing I could have him in for a little longer once he's here.

That's probably not true of anyone who has had some form of hypermesis, but that's not the point. And for the record, of every {very sick} pregnant person I've polled, 100% would take labor, delivery, and/or a c-section and the newborn stage over any point of pregnancy. But again, not the point.

The point is, or rather, the question is - am I using this time well? I will admit I have spent more than my fair share of pregnancy in self-misery, watching Super Size vs Super Skinny on youtube, popping pills like candy.

But lately, I think I've been moving out of it. I've been challenged to make my world very small, but to do my best to love very well in that world. It's a very humbling and very thrilling experience. Though I've had to say good-bye to family members (both for the rest of my life and just until we can visit again), I've been given great people to pour into right now. I've had very specific "pray for them", "be with these people", "say no to that", "say yes to that", or "just sit here and read the Bible and be open" moments. Every single spare second I have is gold, because I have so few of them that are anywhere close to productive (like that I'm awake and not vomiting for).

I have found, that in the waiting, there is good work to be done. I have found, that in fact, I don't think this is a stage of waiting at all. It is a season of doing... differently. And different isn't easy. It's hard to know none of your grandparents will see your firstborn. It's hard to want to get Thai food with your brother-in-law, or ask him a question about the nursery setup, only to remember that you don't live together, you haven't in forever, and he lives in Atlanta. It's hard to go to a job everyday that you are pretty sure you won't be returning to post-partum. But it's beautiful to see new friendships grow. It's amazing to have your niece put a pillow besides you "for when the baby is here". It's rewarding to listen to what you should do, and just do it.

No season in life is totally about the wait - God uses the weak, God doesn't do things our way, God doesn't care about our priorities anyway.

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