finding our joy.

I am not someone who would describe myself as someone that does well on little sleep. I would tell you that it's a struggle for me to have a good day on 7 hours.

Oh how things have changed.

I meant to write a post on my first mother's day, but honestly, I was so overtired and wracked with post partum depression and anxiety that I could barely function. After an intervention from my husband and the help of countless family and friends, a check in with my ob, we've turned a corner.

What did I not expect in motherhood? The sleep deprivation. The constant second guessing, the constant feeling that I'm doing something wrong or should be doing more.

We are reading "Be Mature", a study of James, in our small group. It's all about embracing the trials, knowing that God is shaping you. I did not expect for my faith to be stretched so much. But it brings so much joy.

I can't do more. I don't know what I'm doing. But this is a calling. I have to trust that God is who he says he is - good and faithful. I have to trust that he is provider and can sustain me because I cannot.

That faith brings so much joy. Because its not dependent on me, or Joe, or sleep.

I knew I would love my son, but I could never imagine this joy.


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