Dear readers, you didn't think I forgot about you, did I?
You didn't dare think, "I bet her life got dull."
This will be a series of posts. Because this event is too multifaceted for me to blog in one post. So here's part 1. The title of today's, "Unashamed love" comes from a song that was my favorite song when I was in YWAM. I hope these series of posts reflects an unashamed love for Jesus.
I am a do-er. Type A. Get 'er done. I don't care what you call it, I am a person of action and sometimes, to my detriment, not of thought. But I will tell you, there is almost no challenge I will turn down, no project I will not try to finish, no person I will not connect with.
I planned in my wedding in, like, 3 months. When I get a new job, I've never had an employer that could keep me busy at first. They always underestimate my ability to get things done efficiently and well. It's a gift.
My energy, my skills, my organization (or lack there of), my can-do, push-it-through attitude. It's a gift. I mean that -- this is who I was made to be, and for a good reason.
But, like all of our strengths, it is a weakness. I have a hard time letting go, and I get frustrated when I having trouble achieving the results I expect from myself.
We have been house hunting. I have spreadsheets. There are lists (A,B,C) based on price, location, floor plan and details. I knew nothing about real estate when we started this process, and now I use words that I didn't know existed a few months ago. We have walked through dozens of houses.
To my dismay, we have not found one that we both agreed on that we could actually buy.
I tried harder. We saw more houses, I re-vamped my search, I researched, prodded, learned.
I became frustrated, depressed, even. I got mad at Robert for not liking the houses I wanted (because then I would have accomplished my goal). I threw my list into a crumpled ball across the living room. I said, "No more. I am not looking at another house."
I took my crown, my gift, and set it aside. I walked away. I said, "Jesus, this isn't happening for me. YOU do it if it's supposed to happen." It was too much for me. I was trying too hard and making no progress and it wasn't worth it, and it certainly was not what Jesus was trying to get me to do.
We got an offer on our house about a week and a half later. So, timidly, I pulled up some searches. The same searches I had been on a week before and found not a single house I wanted to see.
There were listings. SO MANY NEW LISTINGS. Good ones, too. Houses that look like they have what we are looking for, houses in our price range. Houses that would make the A List.
A beloved college professor of mine had this awesome saying. "Do you trust God to be God? I mean, God lights his own cigars, people." That's right, God doesn't need my gifts. And He is faithful unto himself in his love and mercy for me. So, do I trust that? Do I let God be God and Chrissy be Chrissy? Do I doubt his unending love for me (yes), his ability to accomplish anything in any manner of time (yes), his intent to bless us (yes)? Let's say, it's something I am working on.
"You're calling my to lay aside the worries of my day,
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place.
You are worthy
...of my childlike faith, of my honest praise
and of my unashamed love.
Of a holy life and of my sacrifice
and of my unashamed love."