How did it go..?

Not too long ago, I wrote about my sick grandmother, about how inspiring she is
She and my mom came to visit last week, and I've had quite a few people ask me how it all went. I know they just aren't asking what we did, I know they are feeling out for how we are handling the fact that she has cancer and she only has a limited time left on the earth.
A good friend asked me this "How did it go...?" question, and this is what I wrote her back.
It was wonderful to have them - I felt like I was begging them to come back, which made me feel like such an adult. Like I realize how precious this time is with them, how fast it's slipping away. On Friday night, I sat with an asleep Abram in my lap at the restaurant (some things never change ;) ) across from my grandma and I wanted to stop time. She's dying, it's real. Abram is growing up, one day he won't fall asleep in my lap. I wanted to hold onto the moment so desperately, but I knew it was sand slipping through my fingers. I know I may not have many dinners left sitting across the table from my only grandparent, holding my already too big nephew, watching my husband play with my niece who is obsessed with him. I wanted to find the cosmic "pause" button and hold it all too tightly. It will all change, and sooner than I care for. Sorry, I sound so depressed and I'm not... it's just... how it is. I'm not ready for her to be dying, but I know all at the same time it's not something I can do anything about.

I did talk to my grandmother a little about raising 6 kids before there were even microwaves. I mean, how can you raise 6 children without even having a microwave?!?!?!?! She said it didn't matter, she still uses a pot to heat things on the stove. She talked about how wonderful it was, to have them in her life, how she just got them one at a time and figured out how to do it one at a time.


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